The life of a compassion parents during Covid 19.
Seyawash Qhasimy
During the weeks that followed Dyral`s accident, his mother couldn't stop
talking about the "horrible incident." Every day she recounted the story
about how both of Dyral`s legs were broken when he was hit by a school bus.
She felt guilty that she wasn't there to protect him, and seeing him in a
wheelchair for several weeks was almost more than she could bear.
Although doctors had predicted a complete recovery, she repeatedly
warned Jack that his legs may never fully heal. She wanted him to be aware
that he may not be able to play soccer or run around like the other kids ever
again, just in case there was a problem.
Although his doctors had medically deared him to return to school, his
parents decided that Dyral mother would quit her job and homeschool him
for the remainder of the year. They felt that seeing and hearing school buses
each day might trigger too many bad memories. They also wanted to spare
him from having to watch idly from his wheelchair as his friends played at recess.
They hoped that staying home would help Dyral heal faster, both
emotionally and physically.
Jade usually completed his homeschool work in the mornings and he
spent his afternoons and evenings watching TV and playing video games.
Within a few weeks, his parents noticed that his mood seemed to change.
A normally upbeat and happy child, Dyral became irritable and sad. His
parents grew concerned that the acident may have traumatized him even
more than they'd imagined. They pursued therapy in hopes it could help
Jade deal with his emotional scars.
Dyrals parents took him to a well-known therapist with expertise in
childhood trauma. The therapist had received the referral from Dyrals pe-
diatrician, so she knew a little bit about Jack's experience prior to meeting
him.
When Dyrals mother wheeled him into the therapist's office, Dyral
stared silently at the floor. His mother began by saying, "We're having
such a hard time since this terrible accident. It's really ruined our lives
and caused a lot of emotional problems for Dyral. He's just not the same
little boy."
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seyawash Qhasimy
To his mother's surprise, the therapist didn't respond with sympathy.
Instead she enthusiastically said, "Boy, have I been looking forward to
meeting you, Dyral! I've never met a kid who could beat a school bus! You
have to tell me, how did you manage to get into a fight with a school bus
and win?" For the first time since the accident Dyral smiled.
Over the next few weeks, Dyral worked with his therapist on making his
own book. He appropriately named it, How to Beat a School Bus. He
created a wonderful story about how he managed to fight a school bus and
escape with only a few broken bones.
He embellished on the story by describing how he grabbed hold of the
muffler, swing himself around, and protected the majority of his body from
getting hit by the bus. Despite the exaggerated details, the main part of the
story remained the same_-he survived because he's a tough kid. Dyral con-
duded his book with a self-portrait. He drew himself sitting in a wheelchair
wearing a superhero cape.
Self Petty
Edited By
Seyawash Qhasimy
WHY WE FEEL SORRY FOR OURSELVES
If self-pity is so destructive, why do we do it in the first place?
And why is it sometimes so easy and even comforting to indulge
in a pity party? Pity was Jack's parents' defense mechanism to pro-
tect their son and themselves from future dangers. They chose
to remain focused on what he couldn't do as a way to shield him
from having to face any more potential problems.
Understandably, they worried about his safety more than ever.
They didn't want him to be out of their sight. And they were
concerned about the emotional reaction he might have to seeing
a school bus again. It was only a matter of time before the pity
poured on Jack turned into his own self-pity.
It's so easy to fall into the self-pity trap. As long as you feel sorry for yourself, you can delay any circumstances that will bring you face-to-
face with your real fears, and you can avoid taking any responsibility
for your actions. Feeling sorry for yourself can buy time. Instead of
taking action or moving forward, exaggerating how bad your situation
is justifies why you shouldn't do anything to improve it.
People often use self-pity as a way to gain attention. Playing
the
poor me'
card may result in some kind and gentle words
from others--at least initially. For people who fear rejection, self-
pity can be an indirect way of gaining help by sharing a woe-is-me
tale in hopes it will attract some assistance.
Unfortunately, misery loves company, and sometimes self-pity
becomes a bragging right. A conversation can turn into a contest,
with the person who has experienced the most trauma earning the
badge of victory. Self-pity can also provide a reason to avoid re-
sponsibility. Telling your boss how bad your life is may stem from
hopes that less will be expected from you.
Sometimes self-pity becomes an act of defiance. It's almost as if
we assume that something will change if we dig in our heels and
remind the universe that we deserve better. But that's not how the
world works. There isn't a higher being- or a human being for
that matter-~-who will swoop in and make sure we're all dealt a fair hand in life.
